How Much The Little Things Matter

A common theme I’m noticing is when ever the pain is beating me down to nothing i seem to want to come on here and vent a little lol. Pain over the past few weeks has increased so much that I’m going to my bedroom every couple of hours to rest my neck, unfortunately the colder months are increasing my pain. Luckily I’m able to lay down for about 20 minutes and the pain lowers, but unluckily the pain returns so quick I start to think is it even worth it. YES it’s worth it. My daughter yesterday was so happy and was in a mood I wish she was in everyday, all she wanted to do was play and thankfully I lay down on my back in her toy room and she plays around me. She wants to play nurse and fix her daddy pretending to give me a neck massage and give me fruit and vegetables so I can grow big muscles and get better. How lucky am I. We have a great park less than a hundred meters from our front door and I wish so much I can take her there everyday. Things like this near bring tears to my eyes.

Everyday I read up on “Pain” once again chronic pain or pain in general is still something Doctors are still trying to understand. As I’ve said in previous posts everybody experiences pain in a different way. I know a lot of people who suffer from pain as I have been to a lot of different pain groups and trials, each person has a different way of getting on with life and I find it unusual that nearly all of them get angry or dismissive when a Doctor/specialist says pain is just as much psychological. It’s true but not everyone listens to the part were they say your mood can have a massive impact on your pain. It’s so true it does, I know when I’m happy I find it easier to deal with the pain I’m in, and when I’m sad the pain seems harder to get through. Trying to stay in a happy mood when pain is constant 24/7 is border line difficult but it’s the trying that matters. More than 70% in my opinion get caught up so much in dealing with the pain alone it’s hard not to get depressed and I see a lot of faces that look defeated it’s scares me. Sometimes my pain defeats me and I have no choice but to go to bed rest my neck and then try again.

 I think waking up with a mind set that today will be better keeps me moving forward. It’s so hard but some how I manage it day in day out, I don’t want to let my wife or daughter down So understanding the little things I do for them through the day to make them smile or make there day better is always my goal. I try hard every morning to make them breakfast and try to at least make my wife a cup of tea to get her to smile even if I’m bad pain. I think word of the day today is “Hard” lol. One of things I try my best to do is have dinner on the table waiting for them when they get home. Some days the pain is that bad I do most the cooking when my medication is working well, that means dinners ready by 9am lol. But some days I’m in tears pushing so hard that I have prepared it ready to go for cooking when they get home. This is the hardest thing mentally that I’ve found hits home the most. Something so easy nearly defeats me but I get most of it done then it’s off to bed/shower to recover. I do always get asked why don’t I use a neck brace. I’ve tried a lot of them and not moving my neck can also be bad. A good sleeping position is also something that is hard to work out because what worked for me last night won’t work for tonight and that annoys me more than anything but once I work it out I’m asleep in a flash lol.

Once again I ask pass this on to anyone you know that suffers from pain, the more people we get talking about it the more support and the more knowledge we can share. Outside of family and some close friends not many people know the full extent of my injury. I don’t try to hide it but I don’t want to be judged and nearly all the time the people that don’t understand it there quick to show there tuff card and try to in there own little way belittle you, but now I’m more than ready and that I can walk away from those people and not care less what there thinking of me. Every person that suffers chronic pain knows that feeling of people putting them down or having to prove themselves to them. We don’t have to prove anything. Cheers for your time ladies and gents. Hopefully I’ll have more to write tomorrow..

Another Day Another Fight.

Blog 3….

I thought I might try write a post during the day rather then the night. Why? Night time is pain time at its most severe.

If you know anyone that suffers from Chronic Pain whether it be associated with another illness or whether it be an illness all on its own you should pass this onto them.  The reason I ask you to pass this on is that I bet they can sit there reading this agreeing with what I’m saying.

With a lot of Chronic Pain SUFFERERS you can’t visually see it, mine is my neck so if your sitting down talking to me you won’t notice it until you notice I continuely change my sitting position. Lower back pain you don’t notice anything until they try to bend, sit etc and sometimes even then you won’t see it. So it’s so hard for sufferers to explain to you that they are really suffering. You break a leg arm etc you limp or a cast is put on it or your given a wheelchair or crunchers or a sling, but Chronic Pain the fight is going on underneith.

It’s horrible when there is no visual signs of how much your suffering, I lay down most of the day but when I do go out shopping with my family I just walk a little slower then I would do normally and lay down in the car until I’m either feeling better or we go home.

Last weekend we wanted to get our Xmas shopping over and done with so we went to one of the main shopping centres in Newcastle, usually I wouldn’t go as I’m asking for trouble or I end up wrecking it for everyone but I really wanted to get out of the house and do something with my family. After 30 minutes I felt awful. I was struggling to hold my head up and my shoulders were aching, nine times out of ten I will suffer for a few days with a severe Migraine as that’s the endgame of the pain for me. All my upper body muscles including my head are aggravated and I spent two days in bed suffering from severe pain and a even worse migraine. Luckily I have a great family network, my sister and mother in law took our daughter for those days I was ill. A Big Thanks to them 😉 We would be lost without them. S01E03

The Beginning Continued

 

Blog post 2

It might take me awhile to get away from the beginning as a lot happened in that time. My world changed and trying to fit how, what, where and when in a blog is going to be quite difficult.

Ooooops I forgot to mention I’ve never read a blog and this is my first attempt so hahahaha to me.S

After the incident I tried everyday during my morning before work, lunch breaks and after work to get what was wrong with my neck fixed. But all I could do was drive to pick up my X-rays, CT Scans and bone scans from the specialist and hand deliver to the Doctor so it didn’t take an additional week in the post. Then came the disappointment of waiting up to five to six weeks for a specialist appointment. Then after three months I finally get told that I have a couple of slipped discs and the possibility of a disc fragment in my spinal canal.

Fortunatly they ruled out the disc fragment possibility but due to the time it took for them to get it done my muscles and ligaments that were damaged reattaching themselves in slightly different spots. Bring on the neck Chinese Burn every time I move my head.

As time went by I started making adjustments to my work space so I still could competently do my job ( Which I Loved BTW ) but this got funky. I ended up taking my swag to work and moved a computer screen so I could see it laying down and I typed with the keyboard on my chest. But I had to have a lookout so that when my boss was coming I could quickly rearrange my desk so he didn’t find out. I seriously wanted to keep my job.

I did this very well for a month or two till I couldn’t move that well anymore. By this time the pain was so intense I couldn’t concentrate and my boss caught me working from the ground. My boss was awesome not the most typical of bosses which made him a great man to work for. On that note Thanks Mick. He tried everything to help me including rocking up some weekends to offer mowing my yard including helping else where around the house. Tell me what boss does this right? Even with all the help from him and work mates I just wasn’t getting better. My pain medication was increasing and my lifestyle was shrinking. I don’t fish nor play any sports and struggle to push a trolley around but im a dad and a husband I have to push through the pain sometimes even if it’s only to see them smile. To conclude this post I’d like to thanks my family, work mates and friends who have adjusted there lives to keep me in it. It means a lot to me.

Injured  late May 10 and was medically unfit to do my duties as a soldier in December 10. It’s out there now I was a Soldier in the Australian Army and I loved it. It took an additional 18 months of trying to get better before I was permanently Discharged mid 2012.

Its mid 2015 and I can’t remember the feeling of knowing the next day I could do something. Now I can’t say yes to a function or a gathering as I won’t know till the hours leading up to the event that I can go.

I’m trying to keep going some hobbies that I like, using seeds from a seed bank I grow seedlings for who ever needs them to plant in there yard or farms. Mostly Australian native trees though. This is all done from a controlled environment so I can do a little bit at a time.

As they say in TV episodes this is Season one Episode two. Or S01E02

Any comments are welcome.

 

Pain, Depression and Living. The Beginning.

HI my name is Craig and this is my LIFE. The people that know me live my life with me and as hard as it is to try and keep them away from what has now became my GRIND to survive it’s not that easy.

Spelling ,Grammar ETC will probably get you thinking “What The………” So I appolagise now.

Living was what I was doing prior to my neck injury, a great Job, in fact the perfect job the perfect wife and living in the best city in Australia “Newcastle”. Everyday was fantastic with obviously a few bad ones kicked in but hey who dosnt have those Right? Fishing straight after work throw a line in for an hour or two then home to prepare dinner for when my lovely wife comes home. Weekending to our families in the upper New South Wales area and I have to say my family is pretty awesome. I have parents that will do absolutely anything for us kids even though there divorced. My wife’s family are just as great. Wow did I just say I have great Inlaws YES that’s right I did. I have grown up with my wife and her family travelling the country side BMXing and even though there were 10 years of our families going there seperate ways my wife and I managed to meet back up. DESTINY Thanks Facebook lol.

Our two families lived an hour apart in two country towns.

Anyway enough on how perfect things were before this crap happened but let me try and put this to you in a short paragraph as much as I would to talk about the accident it gets me a bit angry so dwelling is not what I’m here to talk about. Doing exercise with work as part of our morning routine and BAM my hand slips while doing body raises as my body is falling I regain my grip on the bar and whip goes my neck. There it is not even a metre above the ground ankles touching the ground and your life goes down the Drain.

“Normal” What does that mean to you? To me Normal means getting out of bed in the morning and only having the feeling of still being tired because I didn’t go to bed early enough, but now my Normal means that getting out of bed inbetween 12am – 7am to get in a boiling hot shower due to the most incredible pain you could feel. Try and think of how a toothpick feels trying to hold up a watermelon? A neck holding a head ok not the best explanation but I’ll try another get yourself in a push-up position and go down half way and hold it there your not allowed to drop to your stomach when your arms are shaking and hurting you must at all cost retain that position. That’s what my neck goes through just to hold my head up unassisted. Now about the Level of pain I’m in when I wake up in the early hours it hurts it hurts so much I can’t think I can’t cry I can’t talk I can’t feel any other thing except pain. Curled up in a ball on the shower floor trying to put my neck in a position to get even the most slight relief. This is my “NORMAL” Luckily I have ready my medication in a small water proof container with a bottle of water right next to it. The time in the shower varies from 45 minutes up to Four hours. This is my New Normal morning routine. And this all happens before my wife and daughter wake up. End Session- More to follow. Published 8 August 2015.