A common theme I’m noticing is when ever the pain is beating me down to nothing i seem to want to come on here and vent a little lol. Pain over the past few weeks has increased so much that I’m going to my bedroom every couple of hours to rest my neck, unfortunately the colder months are increasing my pain. Luckily I’m able to lay down for about 20 minutes and the pain lowers, but unluckily the pain returns so quick I start to think is it even worth it. YES it’s worth it. My daughter yesterday was so happy and was in a mood I wish she was in everyday, all she wanted to do was play and thankfully I lay down on my back in her toy room and she plays around me. She wants to play nurse and fix her daddy pretending to give me a neck massage and give me fruit and vegetables so I can grow big muscles and get better. How lucky am I. We have a great park less than a hundred meters from our front door and I wish so much I can take her there everyday. Things like this near bring tears to my eyes.
Everyday I read up on “Pain” once again chronic pain or pain in general is still something Doctors are still trying to understand. As I’ve said in previous posts everybody experiences pain in a different way. I know a lot of people who suffer from pain as I have been to a lot of different pain groups and trials, each person has a different way of getting on with life and I find it unusual that nearly all of them get angry or dismissive when a Doctor/specialist says pain is just as much psychological. It’s true but not everyone listens to the part were they say your mood can have a massive impact on your pain. It’s so true it does, I know when I’m happy I find it easier to deal with the pain I’m in, and when I’m sad the pain seems harder to get through. Trying to stay in a happy mood when pain is constant 24/7 is border line difficult but it’s the trying that matters. More than 70% in my opinion get caught up so much in dealing with the pain alone it’s hard not to get depressed and I see a lot of faces that look defeated it’s scares me. Sometimes my pain defeats me and I have no choice but to go to bed rest my neck and then try again.
I think waking up with a mind set that today will be better keeps me moving forward. It’s so hard but some how I manage it day in day out, I don’t want to let my wife or daughter down So understanding the little things I do for them through the day to make them smile or make there day better is always my goal. I try hard every morning to make them breakfast and try to at least make my wife a cup of tea to get her to smile even if I’m bad pain. I think word of the day today is “Hard” lol. One of things I try my best to do is have dinner on the table waiting for them when they get home. Some days the pain is that bad I do most the cooking when my medication is working well, that means dinners ready by 9am lol. But some days I’m in tears pushing so hard that I have prepared it ready to go for cooking when they get home. This is the hardest thing mentally that I’ve found hits home the most. Something so easy nearly defeats me but I get most of it done then it’s off to bed/shower to recover. I do always get asked why don’t I use a neck brace. I’ve tried a lot of them and not moving my neck can also be bad. A good sleeping position is also something that is hard to work out because what worked for me last night won’t work for tonight and that annoys me more than anything but once I work it out I’m asleep in a flash lol.
Once again I ask pass this on to anyone you know that suffers from pain, the more people we get talking about it the more support and the more knowledge we can share. Outside of family and some close friends not many people know the full extent of my injury. I don’t try to hide it but I don’t want to be judged and nearly all the time the people that don’t understand it there quick to show there tuff card and try to in there own little way belittle you, but now I’m more than ready and that I can walk away from those people and not care less what there thinking of me. Every person that suffers chronic pain knows that feeling of people putting them down or having to prove themselves to them. We don’t have to prove anything. Cheers for your time ladies and gents. Hopefully I’ll have more to write tomorrow..